5 Reasons Meditation is Better than Sex: a Beginner’s Meditation Guide

Nude Female From Back w/Blk Gloves
By Gianluigi Calcaterra @Flickr under cc. license some rights reserved

Well??  Ahhmm….

  1. You can do it alone
  2. You don’t have to shower after, your won’t work up a sweat
  3. No chance of becoming a baby daddy/or mommy
  4. Nil chance of catching an STD
  5. You determine the length…of time

Now that the tease has worked lets get down to business. Meditation will take determination and yet relaxation.  That is the paradox grasshopper (if you get that reference you watch too many reruns.) It really requires a Yin and a Yang energy, the Yin is  r e l a x, don’t stress about how you are doing, as that interferes.  The Yang is you sit there, stay alert and energized as best you can.  I see the analogies to sex.  Hey, there are studies out there I know it- on the benefits of meditation on ones sex life.

1. Decide why you want to meditate.  Write down the benefits you hope to see by meditating. This gives you motivation to keep going when the going gets tough. Put it where you meditate.  Some practical benefits of meditating, are:

  • calmer at work with annoying co-worker/boss,
  • calmer with your kids
  • More creative ideas
  • Less anxiety and worry about future
  • Less rumination about past
  • Greater ability to focus on task at hand (practicing guitar, or writing a grant proposal)

Lets get practical matters that can derail your meditation practice,  out of the way:

2.  Pick the best time for you.  As a beginner timing will be especially important. Early morning, before the kids wake up and before work?  When you are freshest.  Or before or after dinner? Experiment and notice the difference then adapt.

3. Do not allow anything (short of a fire) to interrupt. If you allow an interruption once, it will be impossible to draw the line.  Let anyone in household know that you are unavailable for that time.  Turn off cell/anything that can ring.  Set a timer-start with 10 min.

4.  Meditation is best on after a meal 2 hours or so. Not when hungry and not when stuffed.

POSITIONING: Meditation is easiest if your spine is straight,  this is important.


5.   Sit in a Chair: Many people beginners included,  find using a straight back chair is best possibly with a cushion at you sacrum to lower back and your upper back off the back support. Ideally you want to be holding yourself straight.  You  don’t want to be leaning backwards or slumped. Feet should be flat on the floor.

6.  Sit on a cushion. See my post on types of cushions. If comfortable sit with your butt on a cushion 3 or 4 inches thick, so that your knees are relaxed and ankles crossed.  If this gets uncomfortable then by all means sit in a chair.  [amazon_link id=”B000C9KSW4″ target=”_blank” ]Meditation Cushions.[/amazon_link]


7.  Breath Awareness

[amazon_link id=”1591799422″ target=”_blank” ]Meditation for Beginners[/amazon_link]
[amazon_link id=”0415409004″ target=”_blank” ]Introduction to Buddhist Meditation[/amazon_link]
  • Take 4-5 deep breaths in, exhale out through mouth, making a soft sound if comfortable with that.
  • Become aware of your breathing in one location: pick either your abdomen or the nostrils.  Decide by however you feel it most clearly.  Relax.
  • To begin:  Either mentally label “in, out” if at nostrils/or belly.  Or for belly could also use “rising, falling.”
  • If mind wanders try “in, out 1, in, out 2, in out 3…” till you get to 10 then start over.  Note: this is very hard to do.  When you find mind has wandered off, start again at “one.”

8.  Walking Meditation: Another method that works well if you are pretty restless-yet is very effective and counts as “real’ meditation is to do walking meditation.  Set a timer.  Now this is different than meditatively taking a walk outdoors, which great but will not deepen your concentration as effectively.  This is more formal and the best way for a beginner.

  • Pick a quiet spot, preferably indoors and private. (The less distractions the better for you.)
  • The path should be long enough to take 12-20 steps in a straight line.  (The less distractions the better for you.)
  • Stand, take 4-5 deep breaths, relax.  Then just begin slow walking.  With each movement of leg, say mentally:  “Right”, then “Left” do this for 1/3 of the time you have set aside.
  • Then switch (after 1/3 of allotted time) as you get more concentrated:  as you move right foot “lifting, placing”  so you are now noting two actions in one step rather than one.  So “lifting, Placing” on R. ft, “lifting, Placing” on L foot…continue.
  • When you get to end of path/hallway… stop take breath/relax, turn around, walk back to beginning in same manner.
  • ONLY IF you notice you feel pretty calm, and mind is not wandering much: then for the last bit of the time, use as you lift R. ft. “lifting, moving, placing” then L. foot same “lifting, moving, placing”  So you are now aware of 3 segments of each step, which requires and builds more concentration.

[amazon_link id=”1591794730″ target=”_blank” ]Walking Meditation w/DVD & CD-ROM[/amazon_link]

9. DIFFICULTIES BEGINNERS FACE:  Whatever the meditation method be aware- the mind will wander off.  That is part of the training of the mind, ti’s nature is to be like a little puppy, excited by everything and out of control, chew here, pee here, sniff her, run here, chew here… and so on, endlessly.  SO WHAT MEDITATION WILL DO IS MAKE YOU FEEL MORE FRUSTRATED! If that is your normal tendency.  You will my friend- most likely feel a bit calmer too even while noticing that your mind seems completely haywire.

10. HOW OFTEN TO MEDITATE: For a beginning meditator, practice no less than 3-4x week, if you want to notice progress-ie.  calmer mind when meditating, calmer daily life, ability to think clearly under pressure etc.  Try to practice 1x day, 10 min to start. Over time if it’s going well add no more than 10 min at a time.  If doing 10 min. try to go to 20 that will feel like a challenge.  But you can do it.  When 20 feels good, go to 1/2 hour.

[amazon_link id=”1591799422″ target=”_blank” ]Meditation for Beginners[/amazon_link]

PLEASE  use the buttons to SHARE THIS POST if you liked it!  I’d really appreciate it. Your comments and questions are so welcome, as much in this post could be expanded and explained…

I’ve graduated the Mindfulness Yoga and Meditation Training program at Spirit Rock Meditation Center.  I began meditation in the early 90′s. Since 2001 I have “sat” over five months of intensive silent, residential meditation retreats, in one to six week-long segments.   My Western teachers include Myoshin Kelley and [amazon_link id=”0062517015″ target=”_blank” ]Joseph Goldstein[/amazon_link].  I also have practiced under the guidance of Chanmay Sayadaw and [amazon_link id=”0861713117″ target=”_blank” ]Sayadaw U Pandita[/amazon_link].
Namaste, Kala
[box] IMG_0724Vivinne (Kala) Williams, Yogini, Mystic, Educator. Certified yoga teacher since 1994, teacher of mindfulness meditation. Over 1,000 hrs. somatic training. Graduate of Spirit Rock Mindfulness Yoga & Meditation Training. Studied with Burmese meditation teachers in multiple 6 week long, silent meditation retreats. Full bio here. [/box]

13 Responses to “5 Reasons Meditation is Better than Sex: a Beginner’s Meditation Guide

  • Hi Kala,
    I have tried meditation a few times and always end up frustrated. But I guess nothing is accomplished without practice. I will try your suggestion of 10 min a day. 🙂


    • Kalavati V. Williams
      7 years ago

      Hey thanks for your comment, I almost titled post “5 Reasons You Can Meditate” as like you everyone who doesn’t do it regularly gets frustrated. It’s like if you tried to play golf only occasionally or chess. Meditation really is likened to how we fall asleep! No one teaches it to you. When conditions are right it will happen. My post aims to help set up the right conditions. Frustration means you felt you “were doing it wrong” but you can’t. In the effort one is calming the mind and getting clearer. At your blog you talk about “Creating Ourselves,” meditation helps us get that clarity to do that so it’s a great support for manifesting our dreams and taking control of habits etc…So keep it short at first.

  • You have convinced me to never give up!!! I have tried several times and fell asleep or just got distracted. I feel I am always at the beginning when I try to meditate.
    Looking forward to more on sex and meditation…..LOL!

    • Kalavati V. Williams
      7 years ago

      “Meditation really requires a Yin and a Yang energy, the Yin is r e l a x, don’t stress about how you are doing, as that interferes. The Yang is you sit there, and stay alert and energized as best you can. I see the analogies to sex.” Yeah there are connections as I noted. Sleep and distraction are 2 most common responses to trying to finally be aware of our minds. It’s the ego’s way of pulling us away from self-knowledge me thinks!

  • Kala,
    Great to meet you…love your blog.
    I’ve added you to my blog list and also followed you from Facebook Networked Blogs.
    Would you be willing to do an eBook review of my Zen Anti-Diet?

    wishing you much peace,

    • Kalavati V. Williams
      7 years ago

      Sure email me-see contact in sidebar. I liked your blog http://wanderingsagewisdom.blogspot.com/ alot for the to the point meditation advice. It’s more from your Zen background right? I started meditating at first in the Zen tradition and it’s iconoclastic approach is dear to my heart. Namaste.

  • Kala,

    Great way to motivate non-meditators to give meditation a try! I always recommend meditation to my anxiety clients – it’s a life changer. I think people have a misconception of mediation- that it requires hours a day and you must clear your mind of all thought, but this really clarifies what meditation is and how to develop a practice.

    • Kalavati V. Williams
      7 years ago

      Thanks Katie, do you meditate too? I find I feel like I get too busy and those are the times I most need to do it! When we feel most like “ugggh I gotta get this stuff done…and feel pulled and stressed.” That’s a sure sign. Walking just regular walking in nature is good when we get to that point.

  • Kala, that’s a great motivational post on meditation. In my own meditation, I find it helpful to spend the first 10-12 minutes simply on breath awareness. This helps me calm the mind to some extent. Then I slide into my mantra mediation. I usually try to spend around 30 minutes in mediation.
    If you get a chance, please review my article on meditation and give your feedback.

    • Kalavati V. Williams
      7 years ago

      Yes mantra meditation that’s a whole other story to explore. Perhaps you can do a guest post on it, an intro. That’s harder to talk about as how does the person choose the “right” mantra for them. I mean there are general ones that are powerful. Yah I’ll check out your writing as I know you do really detailed posts on the various aspects of yoga, at your blog.

  • Kala,
    I loved this post. I’m a huge advocate of meditation and a former meditation instructor. The calmer we all become the calmer the world becomes.

    Thanks so much for connecting with me! It’s a pleasure to meet another A-Lister!

  • Excellent post. This is how I started (10 minutes, once a day, straight chair). I started meditating almost two years ago in a last-ditch effort to help with panic and anxiety disorder. It gave me space to breathe. I gave myself permission not to worry for 10 minutes a day, and just having that full stop cleared out lots of the haywire stuff going on in my brain. I am no expert in meditation, and some day I would like to do it in a group to try different things. But for now it helps me with my daily life. xoxo

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